


Pirate AU aka How Bond became a parrot

by MrKsan



Series: 2020 007 Fest Creations [1]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pirate, Canon-Typical Violence, James Bond is a parrot in this one, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:07:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25222138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrKsan/pseuds/MrKsan
Summary: This is a headcanon? A fic? Something in between? Enjoy!
Relationships: James Bond/Q
Series: 2020 007 Fest Creations [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1827316
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	Pirate AU aka How Bond became a parrot

**Author's Note:**

> This is a headcanon? A fic? Something in between? Enjoy!

Q is the quartermaster to Moneypenny's ship, _The Calypso_. Moneypenny is the fearless captain. The two have met in a pub in Nassau, and after exchanging a few punches and even more pints, the two have become inseparable. 

James Bond is in the Navy, acting as a spy for King and Country. He was sent to follow the trail of a raided merchant ship and retrieve the loot that was stolen.

Accidentally, Moneypenny and Q are after that loot as well. (because, gold and pirates? yeah.)

The story goes like this: an infamous witch-captain managed to steal the bountiful loot of a British merchant ship. The witch-captain soon after disappeared, with no trace or rumor of what he did with the loot. Now the navy and pirates alike are after it.

The trail leads James to a faraway island, where a pirate ship was marooned on. The witch-captain of the ship still lived inside, without any crew seen around. The captain was half-starved and half-insane after living alone for so long, and he didn't appreciate James intruding on him and demanding answers. After an altercation between the two, the witch-captain had enough and cast a curse on James.

Just outside the marooned ship, Q and a small crew arrived. Climbing into the half-rotten, sun-dried flank of the once-beautiful ship wasn't an easy task, but they did arrive just in time to hear terrible screams and _squawks_ coming from the captain's cabin.

Q rushed into the room, stopping abruptly when he saw the bloody scene before him - the dead witch-captain lying on the floor, face bloodied, eyes plucked out and a big, bright blue parrot sitting on top of his chest, one eye dangling from its bloody beak.

Q blinked once, twice, shook his head, and proceeded to shoo the bird from the body.

Pirates and their pets.

The bird squawked at him with a loud, "squawk, squawk, seven!" which Q had no idea what to make of.

Anyway, he had a mission. After checking that the witch-captain was indeed dead and not just pretending (Q saw people survive worse than _bloody parrots_ ), he proceeded to search the cabin.

Shuffling the scrolls and books that were scattered across the table, he found what he was looking for - a suspicious curve on the otherwise smooth wood. A slight push opened a secret drawer, in which a leather-bound diary was stored.

The moment Q reached for it, the damn parrot grabbed it and tried to fly off with it. Only the door was closed, and there was nowhere to escape. 

Q eyed the bird suspiciously - would it try to pluck his eyes too, if he made a go for the diary?

The bird blinked at him with its vicious yellow eyes, the two stuck in an intense staring competition.

Bill's sudden entrance to the room broke their eye contact, and Q managed to wrap the surprised bird in his coat.

Next, at _The Calypso_ , Moneypenny and the crew had a good laugh at the story. She also took one look at the diary’s scribbled pages and promptly ordered Q to decipher it.

The parrot, meanwhile, was locked in a metal cage, deep in the storage room. While he puffed his feathers, he didn't protest as loudly as one would expect of a parrot.

Maybe because the bird knew he'd managed to find his way to Q's cabin, somehow. Q eyed it warily, wondering if someone freed it or if it escaped by itself?

But that was impossible, right? He’d locked the cage himself, draped a cloth over it, and hanged it in a locked room in the storage under the deck. Even _humans_ would have trouble escaping out of there.

But the parrot was behaving itself, and even set itself on Q's shoulder, watching as he read the encrypted diary and tried to make sense of the convoluted handwriting. Q wasn't a monster after all - no reason he couldn't let the parrot sit with him for the night. He even fed it with the leftovers of his meal

And when the sun was starting to sink in the darkening sea and Q got up to light his lamp, a bright blue light shone behind him.

And in the middle of the room stood a very naked, very confused blond man.

And the story continues with James explaining how the witch-captain cursed him, Q and Moneypenny deciding to keep James with them (mostly because they have no idea what to do with him, or know anything of his identity, yet. How much did James see of the ship? Of Q's maps and notes while he sat on his shoulder, as a parrot? Better to keep a closer eye on him.)

James has to trust the pirates, as well, because while he knew very little of the witch-captain, that man was practically a living legend among the pirates.

But that doesn't mean that James won't do his best to hinder the pirates in their pursuit of the loot, or annoy the shit out of Q while doing it. The quartermaster is easy to look at, after all, especially when he’s a bit annoyed with his eyes flashing and hair just a tad bit wild from the wind... and he is the only one who tolerates him, no matter how much he tries to peck at his nest of hair.

**Author's Note:**

> Done for 2020 007 Fest's AU day! Artwork and original post are available [here](https://starrboned-art.tumblr.com/post/623443844662427648/for-au-day-pirate-au-aka-how-bond-became-a-parrot)


End file.
